Back in 2023 this young (not so young), innocent (well, pretty corrupted actually) writer had the pleasure of attending Berlin Deathfest—two days of Death Metal, Slam and Grind. For the pummelling rhythms, churning riffs, turbo-charged energy and just gleeful silliness it’s hard to pick a bigger high point than Dutch, Goregrind four-piece Rectal Smegma. 

And now fans of gleefully obscene heaviness rejoice! for Rectal Smegma return with their first album since 2016’s Gnork, To Serve And Protect (Rotten Roll Rex/ Kernkraftritter Records). 

“Song” titles like “Her Truffle Butter Makes Me Stutter” and “Beyond Bigboy Beastiality” might not suggest it, but To Serve and Protect is a slightly more refined incarnation of the band that previously delivered such good-time crowd pleasers as “Menstruation Cocktail” and “Foreskin Mask.”

But while the in-your-face gross-out humour is a little toned down (just a little), the music, thankfully, is not. Opener “Ballsnack” comes in hot with thunderous double-bass pedalling and dirty, chugging guitar and bass, with tattoo-covered, brick-shithouse vocalist Yannic Ophorst doing what he does best—alternating between a sneering, zombie-Bon-Scott-on-crack delivery, and a preposterously deep, pitch-shifted monster rant. 

Occasionally you may actually hear real words amongst the ranting, but that’s really not at the core of what makes Rectal Smegma and To Serve and Protect so much “wholesome” fun. 

Peppered throughout the album are a series of movie samples (and other oddities), adding a little colour and spice. Whether it’s the “fuck your father in the shower and have a snack” Usual Suspects sample, or the robot-synth, kiddy-lullaby pastiche in the middle of “Tiktokker Kinderlokker”, you won’t be waiting long for a chuckle and a little diversion before another pounding riff attack. 

Extreme, riff-based bands can only be as good as their drummer and fortunately Rectal Smegma have a relentless beast in Walter Gunneweg. Whether it’s the Bolt-Thrower-esque rolling-toms intro of “Living On The Itch” or the flailing, PCP-Grindcore insanity of “Adam and Steve”, the foundation is always there and the energy never lets up. 

Album closer “Purple Gain” provides some of the heaviest riffing (and bowel-quaking low end), before the track fades out with another twist—some haunting organ sounds. What is this, a Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds record?! 

Evidently not. To Serve And Protect is above all a goregrind-fest of blastbeats and death-metal grooves, with Hardcore bursts. This might be Rectal Smegma at their most mature. How mature is that? Not very and you really wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Buy the album here:
https://rottenrollrex.bandcamp.com/album/to-serve-and-protect 

8 / 10
TOM OSMAN
https://ghostcultmag.com/tag/tom-osman/