I can’t help but wonder if Theories’ practice room is to be treated like a hard hat area. The bleak album art for Vessel (Corpse Flower Records) should’ve been enough to alert me of what awaited, but I had to hit that play button. After the initial pummeling of ‘Human Vessel Cell’ I clearly understood that everything Theories does is designed with lethal intentions in mind. If you’re looking for melody, clean guitars or strict adherence to speed limits you can show yourself the door right about now. What Theories is serving up is not for the fair-weather Hard Rock fan.

As an analogy, I like to think that inhaling the lethal VX gas from Michael Bay’s The Rock is easier on the human body than taking Vessel out for a couple of spins. The closest this Seattle unit comes to being calm and collected is on the slower and no less meaty groove sections on ‘Undertow.’ The grinding speed eventually seeps in but for the better part of two minutes, Theories uncorks double kicks and thick guitars in a manner that would make most Deathcore acts salivate with anticipation. ‘Lamprey’ temporarily appears to be civilized with its Melodic Death riffage, but Joe Axler quickly dispels that notion with inhuman amounts of blast beats.

And blast beat really is the name of the game for Theories. ‘Harvest’ and ‘Ill Will’ feature Axler savagely attacking the snare to the point that I hope he has decent health insurance and a drum endorsement. But if really want to see Axler takes his blasts out for a walk then ‘Slow Poison’ is the tonic you are looking for.

Step up to Vessel if you’re feeling strong but keep that hard hat and tool kit handy. You’re going to need them.

8 / 10

HANS LOPEZ