I am no leading authority on Black Metal. As I stated in my review for Woe’s outstanding new album, Hope Attrition (Vendetta), I do enjoy many of the legendary Norwegian bands, but these days on the topic of Black Metal I tend to focus on the North American scene. And maybe it’s because of that Woe review that I was assigned Slagmaur’s latest, Thill Smitts Terror (Osmose).

What’s the issue with Thill Smitts Terror? Well for starters, it’s really trying to embody every embarrassing cliché in both metal and horror. Why is it 2017 and we’re still culling samples from The Exorcist? Why is the guitarist dressed like a plague doctor? Why am I mortified that I am listening to this in a public place?

But let us turn our attention to the music. After all, I still enjoy Slipknot records and their onstage look is let us say, colorful. However unlike those charismatic Iowans, there is no attention to song craft or dynamics on Thill Smitts Terror.

You like blast beats in your black metal? Won’t find them here. How about a nice tempo change? Few and far between. Take ‘The Drummer of Tedworth,’ which opens the album after the useless intro of ‘Innferd.’ There’s a nice, churning riff that begins to build on what could be a good song, but build with no payoff is all it does. The most egregious offender of the bunch is ‘Hekseskritt og Djevelritt’ which also displays promise early with creepy ambience, but goes down the tubes as soon as Dr. Von Hellreich (I shit you not) lays down some of the most over processed vocals I’ve ever heard. And when he isn’t hamming it up, it’s a never ending series of lame horror film samples. That goes on for 11 minutes.

Any redeeming moments? ‘Hansel unt Gretel’ sounds like a Cradle of Filth B-side, so that places it ahead of the rest. ‘Bestemor sang Djevelord’ has some nice keyboard flourishes.

I love horror movies as much as I like heavy metal, but this just dredges up every agonizing moment where I’ve had to justify my tastes to uninformed audiences. Your product is much better than this, Norway.

3.0/10

HANSEL LOPEZ