Once upon a time in a faraway land called The Eighties, heavy metal fans had long hair, wore denim and leather, possessed a fierce aversion to all forms of hygiene products, and had absolutely no sense of humour whatsoever. So what? if your favourite bands wore assless chaps, furry loincloths, or looked like an explosion in a clown factory. That was fine. It was metal and metal was serious.
Liking Bad News or Spin̈al Tap was permissible as they were merely poking fun at metal with an affectionate finger, while bands like Gwar and Lawnmower Deth were acceptable as they were rooted in hardcore/punk. However, as the laser beam stares and po-faced scowling of traditional metal began to wear thin, some acts foolishly chose to show their lighter, more humorous side. A move that almost cost some their careers. Songs about hamsters, or band members wearing brightly coloured Bermuda shorts and rapping? I don’t think so. Did you not hear me? Metal is SERIOUS.
Thankfully, times change and comedy metal is big business these days. You can’t get out of bed for tripping over albums about pirates, space warlords, dinosaurs or revolutionary flamingoes, and over the last twenty years, Italian absurdists Nanowar of Steel have been steadily on the rise. Originally known simply as Nanowar, the band added the “of Steel” after fellow Italians Rhapsody were forced to add “of Fire” to their name due to a legal dispute. Now, after a succession of progressively improving records, the band return with their sixth full-length offering, the charmingly titled, unsurprisingly Manowar-referencing Dislike to False Metal (Napalm Records).
A one-way voyage into gibbering insanity, the album sets sail with the Alestorm meets Rhapsody of Fire lunacy of ‘Sober’, a particularly ludicrous accordion-assisted opener about health-conscious, teetotal pirates searching for Bitcoin treasure. Featuring Eleine singer Madeleine Liljestam, ‘Winterstorm in the Night’ is a Powerwolf-infused paean to flying dandruff, while ‘Disco Metal’ is all zombies and 1990s techno beats, and the bluesy ‘Muscle Memories’ is about being addicted to gym workouts and protein shakes.
Arguably the most bonkers track on the entire album, ‘Chupacabra Cadabra’ is ten minutes of Mexican mariachi madness involving a witch, a mythological Mexican Cryptid, and an ancient prophecy infected by malware. Or something. As expected from a song featuring vocalist Joakim Brodén, ‘Pasadena 1994’ is a rousing Sabaton-style anthem that recalls the epic story of Italy losing to Brazil on penalties in the USA ’94 World Cup Final.
“Baldness and headbang/we despise and shame every song that came after 1982” proclaim the lyrics in ‘Metal Boomer Battalion”, a galloping metal monster that takes aim at a certain generation of metal fans. ‘Dimmu Boogie’ is a fun twelve bar rock’n’roll throwback, while the Alex Jones conspiracy theory-laden ‘Protocols (of the Elders of Zion) of Love’ owes a debt to nineties boy bands like NSYNC or Backstreet Boys before the band go full Rhapsody of Fire for the glorious metal victory of ‘The Power of Imodium’.
Incorporating as many different styles and musical pop culture cues as preposterous lyrics, Dislike for False Metal is a simply ridiculous record crammed with wickedly bouncy riffs, fingertip-melting solos, and infectious earworms. An absolute joy.
But not for Boomers.
Buy the album here:
8 / 10
GARY ALCOCK