Footprints in the Custard – A New Low

How do you know if an elephant has been in your fridge? Because there are Footprints in the Custard. Bad Jokes are the order of the day here and following on in a long line of British comedy metal acts such as Lawnmower Deth, Evil Scarecrow FITC are making a name for themselves as an absolutely essential live act capable of making even the most pious of metal head laughing their arse off in record time.

Their latest self-produced album A New Low, starts off instrumentally before jumping into ‘Beer Goggles’, the first of many the inevitable songs is about the perils of getting shitfaced drunk and making a tit of yourself. Before launching into the ironic and over the top battle anthem that is ‘Ride, My Little Pony Ride‘ which even after quite a few listens still raises a chuckle.

There are plenty of absolute bangers on the album. The suitably pounding nature of ‘Motherfucking Hangover’ and absolute banger ‘Don’t Be A Cunt’ which has one of those anthemic choruses designed to be shouted loud, proud and drunkenly at many a gig/festival.

An absolute highlight of the album is the excellent spot of Trump bashing that is the joyous romp/social critique of ‘Space Force’ featuring python-esque plot and impressions regarding the theft of the moon. For a joke band, they have a knack of hitting the spot musically in ways a lot of bands could only dream of: ‘Space Force’ definitely needs a video.

It really is quite unfortunate that they have the ability to make the kind of choruses you can happily sing along to and then use lyrics like ‘My Granny’s a Gusher’ a little red riding hood inspired tune about jet-washing grandad, and the combination of the two can, if you let your guard down’ lead to some unfortunate looks from pensioners when wandering around Tesco’s in search of a meal deal.

They take some surprisingly heavy turns on the album too ‘CLIT Commander’ and ‘Bums’ have some gloriously meaty riffs. Final track ‘Love Custard II’ is a frankly bonkers track about the rather inventive notion of pirates sailing the vast ocean of a world drowned with Semen.

Some songs, however, are more miss than hit, the somewhat wonky solo on ‘Tequila Nips’ has the ability to make me cringe as much as my own drunken recollections of tequila-fuelled nights, the pirate-themed ‘The Horn’ doesn’t do much for me. ‘The Bar At The End Of The World’ is a more serious track lamenting friends lost, that kind of ruins the party vibe.

It’d be easy to dismiss Footprints as just a joke band. However, there is and always should be a place for party metal in the world, especially live where FITC has a frankly excellent reputation, although obviously not for the faint of heart.

Lyrics aside the musicianship on display is excellent, catchy riffs and some really good solo’s certainly pushing FITC up to a new level over previous albums. Whilst the band themselves may not have grown up in the slightest, their musicianship has certainly matured. Don’t get me wrong there’s obviously something psychologically wrong with all of them at quite a fundamental level, but it’s really entertaining so enjoy the ride.

7 / 10