I survived a twelve hour drive from Massachusetts to Virginia, the B4BQ the previous evening, and taking over the Clarion Central hotel with some of my fellow bohabs. Now, on the morning of August 17th, I found myself wandering around Hadad’s Lake for my first GWAR-B-QUE, also known as the Bohab Family Reunion, since 2010. Although there were plenty of vendors, the lake itself, a pool, and the Spew ‘O’ Lympics, my main focus was the music. This year’s lineup was nothing short of drool worthy featuring Wilson, Kung Fu Dykes, Volture, Loincloth, Cannabis Corpse, Mobile Deathcamp, Battlecross, Warbeast, Corrosion Of Conformity, Municipal Waste, Pig Destroyer, the reunion of the legendary X-Cops after seventeen long years, and, of course, our lords and masters…GWAR!
First up on the main stage was Wilson. Despite it being barely past eleven in the morning, those bearded wonders tore it up and managed to bring a pit full of sleepy metal heads to life. I definitely look forward to seeing them again in the future. Following Wilson, Kung Fu Dykes took the second stage. I’ll be the first person to admit that I generally don’t care for female vocals. I can’t stand them. That being said, they drew quite the crowd and I enjoyed the music itself, if not their vocalist. They also had some pretty killer costumes and spent the entire day casually wandering around the park in full gear.
One of the most highly anticipated acts just so happened to also be one of the earliest on the bill: The X-Cops clocking in at around 11:45 am. Donning their uniforms, Lt. Louie Scrapinetti, Cadet Billy Club, Patrolman Cobb Knobbler, Sgt. Al Depantsia, Mountain Bike Officer Biff Buff, Sgt. “Zipper Pig” Zypygski, and Sheriff Tubb Tucker took the stage together for the first time since 1996. Matt Maguire played the convict who fell victim to our favorite members of law enforcement, enduring beatings and a thorough cavity search. Police brutality has never been this fun!
This is where things get a little fuzzy. You know you had a good time when you can barely remember what happened. Volture, Cannabis Corpse, featuring Brent Purgason aka Pustulus Maximus, Mobile Deathcamp, featuring Todd Evans who is known as one of the men to carry the Beefcake name, Loincloth, and Warbeast, featuring Casey Orr of GWAR/X-Cops/Rigor Mortis/Ministry fame, blurred together as I continued having the time of my life. However, having seen Cannabis Corpse and Mobile Deathcamp in the past, I can honestly say that they put on one hell of a show. Cannabis Corpse puts on a stage show of their own with various marijuana related props. The Toledo speed metal three piece Mobile Deathcamp cut all the frills out of their performances, preferring to simply melt your face off with pure aggression. Somewhere during all of this, I wound up at GWAR’s Meet & Meat where VIP ticket holders could get autographs, pictures, and enjoy a healthy dose of verbal abuse. The Spew ‘O’ Lympics took place around the same time. Although I missed most of it, I did catch a few guys riding bikes off a ramp into the lake. I’m not sure if that was one of the official events of the competition, but it was entertaining.
Continuing with the live music, Corrosion of Conformity took to the main stage. We were treated to the original trio, Mike Dean, Reed Mullin, and Woody Weatherman, as Pepper Keenan has been preoccupied with other projects. By no means did Keenan’s absence make C.O.C.’s performance anything less than phenomenal. They were like a well oiled machine. There was no time wasted with witty banter in between songs, allowing for the music to eat up the better part of an hour. I don’t think I could have picked a better place to see them for the first time, but I would have killed for a longer set as forty five minutes just isn’t enough.
Riding the coattails of Corrosion, Battlecross took the second stage. I had missed them at New England Metal & Hardcore Fest in April so I was looking forward to making up for it here. The boys did not disappoint. With the metal world drowning under the weight so many thrash acts, Battlecross are definitely making a name for themselves. The second stage could barely contain them and the group was nearly overrun with the crowd’s enthusiasm as the pit continued to grow both in size and intensity.
Minutes after Battlecross wrapped things up, all eyes were back on the main stage awaiting the arrival of a band that is very near and dear to my heart; Municipal Waste. As far as I’m concerned, you can’t have a party in Richmond without these guys and anyone who wasn’t already destroyed was about to succumb to ‘Beer Pressure’. Although they played a mix of songs from all of their albums, The Art Of Partying was the most represented. One of the highlights of the performance had nothing to do with the band at all. Our friend Julie had released a number of inflatable sex dolls and sheep into the crowd. They were thrown around, torn apart, and crowd surfed almost as much as actual fans. Sex toys are fun and all but it was the Wave of Death that stood out. Similar to the famous Wall of Death except that instead of running into each other, you’re jumping on the people in front of you and crowd surfing. The purpose is to get as many people crowd surfing as possible and let me tell you, it was awesome. Here’s hoping it becomes a new metal tradition.
The last group to carry the mantle of the second stage was Pig Destroyer. As the only woman in the world with a thing for bassists over guitarists, it kills me that they don’t have one. That being said, I can’t say a single negative thing about them. They were energetic, engaging, and made you feel like they were the only band in existence at that moment in time. They even had fans climbing up into the rafters while they crowd surfed. I looking forward to seeing Pig Destroyer again even if their lack of a bassist makes me cry myself to sleep at night.
Finally, the main event, the reason people from all over the country, including Alaska, and even a woman from Germany, had all congregated at a lake in Virginia was about to begin. It wasn’t my first time seeing GWAR but, much like a girl taking a new lover, I was filled with nervous excitement. Just replace ‘new lover’ with ‘alien with a massive Cuttlefish jutting out of his crotch’ and ‘nervous excitement’ with ‘far too much liquor and Monster’ and you’ll get a rough idea of where I was mentally. I’m not sure why GWAR’s set was only an hour and fifteen minutes long but they made it count as they opened with the first song off of their upcoming album, Battle Maximus, ‘Madness at the Core of Time.’ The stage show included fan favorites such as ‘Bonesnapper’ and ‘Father Bohab’. There was, of course, the expected bloodshed. The set list itself included a decent mix of songs from older albums as well as newer ones and ran the gambit from ‘Have You Seen Me’ through the second song to be released off of Battle Maximus, ‘Bloodbath.’ I had the opportunity to stand next to a little boy who had never seen GWAR before, the poor kid had no idea what he was getting into but I have never seen a blood soaked child look so happy. I think we’ve got a little bohab in the making in that one.
All in all, this was easily one of the greatest weekends of my life. I met some pretty interesting people including two very special couples. The first pair I met had arranged to actually get married at the GWAR-B-QUE and had Dave Brockie participate in their ceremony. The other couple I talked to had gotten married the previous weekend and were spending their honeymoon at the QUE which is pretty much a guaranteed way to win my heart – bonus points if you play bass. I wish them all the happiness in the world and hope to see them again. While staying at the Clarion, I got to know a few of my fellow CoG members, specifically, what pushed them to make the journey. Kylee, a fellow Masshole, said; “Meeting up with and seeing old friends, making new ones…I think there’s an amazing vibe that comes from the whole experience.” Julie, mistress of inflatable toys, had this to add; “The thing that binds GWAR fans is we can be anything we are, no need to pretend, we are tight because GWAR is like the greatest inside joke that ever happened and we’re all in on it. Other people don’t get it. We do. It really is all about the people…I found myself wanting to introduce myself to anyone and everyone I didn’t know at the various events, just because I feel a familial bond with all of them. Oh, and deploying those dolls into the pit for Municipal Waste was hilarious. Totally doing that again next year.”
So there you have it. If you’re a fan of metal, fake blood and guts, barbeque, doing stuff that involves falling into a lake, or enjoy hanging around with bohabs and the Children of GWAR, I highly suggest you make it out for next year’s festivities. If you don’t like to have fun, we don’t want you.
GWAR-B-Que
Hadad’s Water Park Richmond, Va
August 17th, 2013
Aleida La Llave
Pictures: Rob/Metal Injection